FIRST TIME UNLUCKY
by nazelturf7
Summary: This short takes place between the events of Mass effect 1 and mass effect 2. However the short doesn't really require a time frame, since its not about reapers etc. A Pirate shuttle kodiack races from the alliance navy in what is there first and at this rate last assignment. First post ever, any feedback welcome. thanks for reading. enjoy.


...

**Sniff(Volus)**  
They...are...getting...

_Another barage of fire hits the shuttle already used and abused from its incompetent pliot._

**Shell(Krogan)**  
Have i told anyone, how krogans don't like flying?  
**Slime(hanar)**  
This one suggests, harden up.  
**Shell**  
Grrrrrr...  
**Small(Batarian)**  
Sniff, reinstate the shields and focus them on our rear. Then prepare to warp us out of here.  
**Sniff**  
I...will...try...  
**Small**  
got it, please...just do it.  
**Sniff**  
...okay.  
**Shell**  
what shall i do?  
**Small**  
what can u do?  
**Shell**  
...good point  
**Slime**

This one suspects, that the krogan believes he has full function of his tiny, tiny brain.

**Shell**  
WHAT? Come here

_As shell begins to grab at slimes tentacles, they are hit with another shockwave from the alliance crusier. Everyone is falling over each other. whilst sniff tries to regain control of the kodiak style shuttle. He is rather bad at it. Shell becomes embedded in slime, providing a little comic relief._

**Slime**  
This one regards interspecies bromance disturbing, yet stimulating.  
**Shell**  
SHUT UP if you weren't so squisshy and (pop) WHAT was that?  
**Slime**  
This one, regretfully accepts arrousal in many forms  
**Shell**  
HELP, please arghhh, BOSS NOW!

_Shell struggles to regain his balance and get out of slime, but the shuttle continues to get fired upon. thus making it difficult to get up. Amateurs!_

**Small**  
Sniff, hows my warp coming.

_Small starts flicking switches hoping to imporve his chances of survival. Note...he doesnt know what he is doing._

**Sniff**  
Coming...and...going...

_the shuttle does nothing_

**Small**  
Going? as in we dont have it?  
**Sniff**  
I...asumed...this...button...did...something...  
**Small**  
well? did it say warp, becuase i thought that we would...well...warp a bit more.  
**Slime**  
This one, understands that the button is on THIS control panel.  
**Shell**  
yeah, even i can read that.

_Everyone has there eyes burning into the volus skull._

**Sniff**

**Small**  
then hit it  
**Slime**  
this one...  
**Shell**  
PISS OFF

_Shell pushes Slime out of the way slamming his giant fist into the control panel, missing the button.  
An internal explosion is heard, cluttering and other things that indicate that he did not press the right button._

**Small**  
SHELL!  
**Shell**  
Heh, sorry.

_using one finger this time, Shell engages the warp drive, that had only been previously installed the day before last. Contracted by Shell, who decided he wanted the shuttle to make a statement, be...Aggressive. Thus the warp drive was wielded to the side of the small vessel. On the outside. Where it has its own view of space debris and shuttle leakage 24/7._

**Small**

I'm feeling something  
**Slime**  
This one apologizes.  
**Small**  
URGHH, just stay there, a tentacles length we discussed this.  
**Sniff **  
are...we...warping...?  
**Shell**  
um, sorry, um,...  
**Small**  
um? what does um mean in krogan.  
**Shell**  
its..a...fell off.  
**Small**  
I'm sorry, power phrase that again.

**Shell**  
um, well its no longer connected to the shuttle its well actually...its FALLING off.

_Small looks out the shuttle windows and sees the warp drive starting up whilst connected barely by some thin coil, trying to escape its buyers._

**Small**  
(sighs) sniff line us up with the alliance.  
**Sniff**  
...doing...done  
**Small**  
So thats why we kept getting shot at? (more sighing) hey Shell, heard what slime called your mom?  
**Shell**  
ARGHHHGHGHGHGHG  
**Slime**  
this...

_shell crash tackles slime into the side of the shuttle( due to the force of the impact) sending the suspened warp drive flying off the kodiak and into the oncoming alliance vessel, the desired effect occurs. The alliance ship is to big to maneuver in time slams into a open warp portal sending the crusier full of...lots of humans, somewhere into the vast galaxy, where no one can hear you scream. Except the ones beside you, and the person on deck 3 with a mild concussion and the english born busty burrente with buck teeth(herbal) whom herself feels slightly silly for not reading her horoscope today and then how about...  
(NARRATOR SLAPPED BY MOTHER)_

**Small**  
And there goes a years tuition.  
**Sniff**  
...yes.  
**Shell**  
slimes dead.

_the crew looks to see the krogan drenched in bluey fluid. The rest of the carcuss sprayed perfectly against the wall of the kodiak. Artistic in a way._

**Sniff**  
i...didnt...  
**Small**  
yeah.  
**Shell**  
if its an consolation...he tasted alright.  
**Small**  
too much information.  
**Sniff**  
heading...to...palaven  
**Small **  
i thought we were going to Dakuuna? why arent we going to Dakuuna?  
**Shell**  
wait! i thought we were going to that round hollow, halo looking place?  
**Small**  
stop watching vids, there ruining what brain cells you do have.  
**Sniff**  
so...  
**Small**  
just, replay the mission summary.

_sniff presses to many buttons to justify his limited knowledge of anything._

**Mission summary  
You...people, are to take the datapad FROM the hanar (via force or coercion) and exchange with a contact(FUZZY) on the elcor homeworld of dakuuna. this contract expires in 24 hours, payment will be recieved when contact has verified the of mission summary.**

**Small**  
huh? i told you to "grab the hanar with the DATAPAD"  
**Shell**  
well what i heard was "grab the HANAR with the datapad"  
**Sniff**  
i...don't...remember...any...of...this...  
**Small**  
shell used your head to open the door.  
**Sniff**  
...oh...but...they...open...sideways...  
**Small**  
he knows that now.  
**Shell**  
ha, well lets just put it down to first time jitters. but it was fun right? i had fun!everyone had fun?  
**Small**  
but i recall telling you perspecifically to get the datapad, we all watched the vid this morning.  
**Shell**  
urgh, sure yes the vid, that looked exactly like that one?  
**Sniff**  
so...no...to...palaven...?  
**Small**  
(cursing) take us to omega, i need a drink.  
**Sniff**  
be...there...in...10  
**Shell**  
i thought we were closer to palaven?  
**Small**  
i thought we were going to dakuuna?  
**Sniff**  
...no...comment.  
**Small**  
i dont care, please please just go to omega.

_As the kodiak shuttle puffs away towards the asteroid station, the newly founded crew ponder what went wrong, how it could of gone smoother and lastly, how was a team to recover from the loss of one of their own?_

_the answers...  
recruited a volus to be a pliot  
allowed a krogan to think  
a batrian with no knowledge outside of showbiz preordained himself leader.  
A hanar who wasn't the target.  
and..._

**Shell**  
(slurping noises) humm  
**Sniff**  
(sniffing)  
**Small**  
your cleaning that up (smacking his head) We need a replacement.

R.I.P Slime

we really didn't know you  
unknown- 11mintues ago.  
we will venture forward.


End file.
